Sharing Loneliness at Pecan
Reflections on what loneliness means to different people
By Julia Hawkins
Most of us have felt lonely at some point in our lives. It’s a normal, universal emotion. And yet for many of us, it remains hard to talk about. There’s no shortage of alarming statistics around loneliness. It’s been described as being as harmful to our health as smoking and obesity, for example – but beyond the headlines lies a far more nuanced and interesting picture.
‘We talked about why people might find it hard to talk about loneliness, and the misplaced shame we can feel – and how like any other emotion, it can ebb and flow, sometimes within the space of a single day.‘
– Julia Hawkins
Many of us feel replenished during times of solitude or discover that periods of loneliness can act as a catalyst for creativity, or making meaningful life changes. As is often the case, it’s our own personal stories that are the most insightful and helpful.
In 2023, The School of Life commissioned me to create a portrait photography book that aims to help normalise talking about loneliness, and reassure anyone feeling lonely that they are not alone. I’ve since photographed and spoken with more than 80 people of all ages and walks of life across the country. One thing I’ve learned along the way is how powerful it is to simply witness another person’s pain, without trying to fix it. This in itself can be deeply healing.
A couple of weeks ago I joined creative facilitator Alec Leggat for an afternoon at Pecan, where I shared some of the stories from the project. Together we led an open and reflective conversation about loneliness, and what helps us feel more connected.
Pecan felt like a natural home for this conversation: I have been involved with them for several years now, first through organising foodbank donations with neighbours, and more recently as a photographer. In that time I’ve come to appreciate the huge range of vital services it offers: from providing immediate support to families in crisis, to helping tackle isolation and helping to create a more connected, kinder community.
Sharing Stories from On Loneliness
‘Pecan felt like a natural home for this conversation: I have been involved with them for several years now, first through organising foodbank donations with neighbours, and more recently as a photographer.’
Mai and Karen, ‘On Loneliness’ © Julia Hawkins
I shared some of the stories from my project: from Jonathan, who described the terrible silence of his home after the loss of his life partner; to Emm, who lives with MS and sometimes feels lonely due to people’s lack of understanding about how her condition affects her.
Afterwards, Alec and I invited people to respond to the photographs and stories. We hadn’t known what to expect, and how comfortable people would feel talking about their own experiences.
But gradually, the conversation opened up. We talked about why people might find it hard to talk about loneliness – and the misplaced shame we can feel – and how like any other emotion, it can ebb and flow, sometimes within the space of a single day. One woman reflected that although she’s constantly surrounded by people, she still feels lonely.
It felt like a space where it was OK to open-up, to talk, to listen and to reflect without judgement. I hope that the people who joined us felt lifted in some way. Simply being together in a room where it felt OK to drop our usual masks, even for just a little while, and to act as witnesses to one another’s experiences, certainly felt healing for me. I hope it was for others too.
The Marmalade Trust provides a range of resources for people experiencing loneliness.
Find out more about Julia’s project ‘On loneliness’ here. And if you have a story to share about loneliness, you can drop her a line at julia@juliahawkins.com
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